My Husband Thinks I’m Pure: The Collar Under the Saree
CULTURE
Log mujhe dekhte hain toh woh dekhte hain ek 'sanskaari bahu'. Ek achhi beti, ek safal professional, ek aadarsh patni. Meri shaadi ko teen saal ho gaye hain. Mera pati, Anil, ek seedha-saadha, meetha insaan hai. Usko lagta hai ki sex sirf pyaar ka ek nishaan hai, ek soft, romantic cheez. Usko pata hi nahi ki jab main raat ko uske bagal mein sooti hoon, toh mere andar kitna toofan chupa hota hai. Usko pata hi nahi ki mere gale mein ek silver locket ke neeche, hamesha ek chhota sa leather collar ka tukda chupa rehta hai.
Mera asli naam Ritu hai, par duniya jahan main sach mein zinda rehti hoon, wahan mera naam 'Sub' hai.
Jab main college mein thi, tab mujhe laga ki main 'normal' hoon. Par shaadi ke baad, woh normal life mujhe khaane lagi. Har cheez organised, polite, predictable. Mere andar ki aag bujhne lagi thi. Mujhe ghutan hoti thi uss 'perfect' pinjare mein.
Phir mujhe BDSM mila. Pehle curiosity thi, phir attraction, aur phir ek zaroorat. Yeh mere liye sirf sex nahi hai. Yeh ek psychological surgery hai. Jab mere Dom, Rudra, mujhe command dete hain, jab woh mujhe zaleel karte hain, jab woh mujhe uss dard tak le jaate hain jiske baad dimaag kaam karna band kar deta hai... tab mujhe sach mein azaadi mehsoos hoti hai.
Anil ke saath sex ek duty hai. Rudra ke saath, yeh existence hai.
Rudra mera 'Shadow' hai. Hum haftay mein do baar milte hain, hamesha ek secret dungeon mein jo usne sheher ke outskirts mein bana rakha hai. Jab main uss darwaze se andar jaati hoon, main apni Ritu wali identity wahi chhod aati hoon. Wahan main sirf Sub hoon. Sirf ek object.
Uski commands crystal clear hoti hain. Ghutanon par aao. Aankh mat milana. Apni aukaat yaad rakho. Woh mujhe itni gandi gaaliyan deta hai, itni zyada zaleel karta hai ki meri aatma kaanch ki tarah toot jaati hai. Aur jab woh toot ti hai, tab woh saari expectations, saari sanskaari bandishein, saara 'perfect wife' ka bojh gir jaata hai.
Ek baar, usne mujhe 48 ghante tak ek cage (pinjare) mein rakha tha, sirf ek chote se collar par lock karke. Khana diya, pani diya, par koi baat nahi ki. Main bas uski taraf dekhti rahi, ek ghulam ki tarah. Jab woh do din baad wapas aaya aur mere haath kholne se pehle mujhe zor se thappad maara, toh mujhe rona nahi aaya. Ek ajeeb si shanti mili.
Mujhe woh dard chahiye. Woh humiliation chahiye. Kyunki uss pal mein, mujhe control karne wala koi aur hota hai, aur mujhe apni life ke baaki sab problems se chhutkara mil jaata hai. Yeh ek tarah ka dhokha hai, jo main Anil ke saath kar rahi hoon, par yeh dhokha meri sanity bachata hai. Agar main Sub na banu, toh Ritu mar jayegi.
Sabse zyada maza tab aata hai jab main agle din office ya kisi family function mein jaati hoon. Meri kamar par, mere jism par woh marks hote hain, jinhe chhipane ke liye main mota blouse ya heavy saree pehenti hoon. Aur jab Anil mere kareeb aakar pyaar se bolta hai, "Tum bahut acchi ho, Ritu," toh mere andar ek thandi si lehar daud jaati hai. Usko pata hi nahi ki uski 'acche' pati ke saath sone wali patni, kuch hi ghante pehle kisi aur ke saamne nangi, bandhi hui thi, apni har wish aur desire ko kisi aur ke haathon mein de chuki thi.
Woh sochta hai ki main uski hoon. Lekin meri rooh toh uss Dom ki ghulam hai jo mere jism ko sirf ek property samajhta hai. Aur yahi sach hai. Yahi woh ganda sach hai jo mujhe zinda rakhta hai. Agar yeh jhoot aur yeh BDSM na ho, toh yeh 'sanskaari' duniya mujhe maar degi.